Taupo – the place you hope to be stuck in when you miss your bus.
By this point – the fifth stop in our Kiwi crusade, it was becoming reasonable to assume that whatever part of this majestic landmass we turned up in would offer a treasure trove of outdoorsy activities and wallet-busting excursions. Taupo, again, proved our debt-inducing assumptions right.
There aren’t too many ways to enter a new town more spectacularly than strapped arse-upwards to a bald man freefalling through the clouds and pulling faces that would make even the Elephant Man blush. That is surely the entrance set aside for special forces, videogame avatars and the new James Bond; my money’s on the ginger bloke from Highlander… But skydive into Taupo we did. The exhilaration one is smacked in the face with when jumping from a single-engine aircraft 15,000ft above the ground is incomparable. Despite your fragile collection of bones and muscles cutting through the atmosphere at over 100mph, there is a stillness that encompasses your entire being and renders you peaceful, yet powerless. Perhaps peace derives from one’s lack of control. The bald man whose crotch is tethered to your arse, he’s the one with all the control, well, until he lets you steer for a bit once the ripcord has been pulled. But nature is the one with all the control really. All you have to do is do something entertaining for the camera and hope you picked a reputable company with regularly serviced equipment.
The town of Taupo skirts a lake that is roughly the size of Singapore; Lake Taupo – no bonus points for guessing the name. The town’s grounded and restful charm is a mere extension of the lake’s lazy ripples; calm and continual, bringing in a false tide of tranquillity. The lake can also be a place for boozing if you board the right boat. No great catamaran is docked ready for designer-clad influencers. Instead, a few modest sized yachts helmed by middle-aged blokes in wraparound sunglasses wait for a busload of free t-shirt wearing travellers to stumble on board for a boozy trip across the water. Choose sunset for a booze-cruise – always.
The majestic Lake Taupo sits at the feet of the great Tongariro National Park – home of the doomfully infamous Mount Ngauruhoe. There is a one-day trek that has become increasingly popular since Frodo dropped the ring back in 2003; the Tongariro Alpine Crossing. It is mildly challenging, but immensely satisfying. If you are a Lord of the Rings fan, then most of the trek you pretend to be part of the fellowship and annoy people with quotes no one should remember. If you are not a fan, then you have to have a serious look at yourself in the mirror. The turquoise volcanic pools atop the crossing are enticing for sweaty toes but should be resisted completely. What is an optional extra is heading to the summit of Mount Doom (Mount Ngauruhoe). It is steep and slippery and makes the already hard decent even harder, but it is Mount Doom. The trek is highly recommended. A beer afterwards is a must. Washing your socks is a necessity.
One further recommendation: miss your bus… stay a couple of extra days.
"Heimlich, the wagon’s taking off; you better start flying!"
"But I am flying! And from way up here you all look like little ants."
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